I ate all the things!!! and now I am paying for it.

I ate a bit too much this week.

And as a result I gained 3.6 lbs this week....

Now I feel like this.

And I want to do this.

The circle of motivation

*Cue music from the Lion King*
I want to first off thank "Libwitch" for her awesome comment this week. It is always great to learn that your efforts have inspired others. That regardless of my current progress that the continued efforts motivate others to keep going themselves. That in-turn inspires me to keep going and thus the circle of motivation in complete. Sweetie you are awesome, keep on chipping away at your goal. Oh and stay away from the tasty stuffing at FSG, apparently there are 4 lbs of butter in a single tray of the stuff. Crazy right?

Anyways, as a wise fish once remarked "Just keep swimming" which is what I am doing. Tracking, going to the gym and trying to steer clear of bad food choices. All my efforts were for not as I lost 1.8 lbs this week (happy dance), meaning that I am that much closer to my new 5% of 11 lbs. Another 9.2 and I will be golden. I sent my tracker (from the week) to Lizz today (yay for tracking) and my new weight of 216.4 means that I am back to 36 daily points. I am participating in the 5 k walk it challenge on Sunday morning, which Mel and I are going to make it a Run/walk challenge up in Newmarket. I am interested in seeing how I do in regards to that. It has been a while since I ran for any distance. Mel is totally going to school me as she runs on the treadmill a lot.

I was slightly concerned yesterday when my trainer texted me to let me know that I couldn't come for training because the gym was closed. I am not sure what is going on at the McCaul location but I will find out tomorrow. Adzer (my trainer) and I have set up to work out at a different location (Union Station). It will be my first time going there so I better do some research on how to get there. I just hope that my location isn't closing down, that would tick me off, or that my new trainer is getting fired. LOL.

Wish me luck, I would like to lose 1.8 again next week or more, but honestly if the number goes down I will be happy. Lizz and I set a new goal of July 19th to reach my 5% target. It would be nice to get there.

The road to success is never smooth and usually uphill.

So I only gained 0.2 lbs this week. That is staying the same to me for all intensive purposes. Lets see if we can get this weight loss train back up to speed. Tracking and visiting the trainer. *nods* There was a woman at WW who attributed a lot of her success to the useful tips I provided durring meetings. It was very flattering and motivating to know that people value my options and it helps to motivate their own success. It is a bit frustrating that all of these members joined later then me, loss less then I and are reaching their lifetimes before me. Sometimes it feels like this journey will never end.

Not slacking on tracking

Hey guys,
So I tracked every single day and even submitted it to my tracking buddy Lizz from WW this morning. Now how did I fair? I didn't go over my weekly's and what I used in Weekly's I think I earned in activity points. Does that translate in a loss at the scale? I have NFC (No F*cking Clue*. I weighed myself yesterday and I didn't drop anything noticable. It is that time of the month so I may have some water weight. Hopefully all my diligent tracking and trips to the gym will show next week. I had to visit Value Village this weekend to pick up capri pants. I wasn't fitting into any of my pants anymore and the whole process got very depressing. I tried on pants at the gap on Friday and didn't fit a single pair. I found two pairs of capri's at Canadian Thrift for $20.
Think light thoughts for me.

Michelle

Lets try this again.

Hello poor neglected blog. I am sorry for not using you like a should. I promise to be better. I know I said I would be all "re-commited" and then it didn't happen. I am not sure what is going on. I know I have the will power of a super star, but I can't seem to get it started again. Sort of like a car that was working awesome. But then you hear a noise, it stalls and you keep trying twisting the key in the ignition and hoping that the car will kick back into life. I weighed in at 218 after my NYC trip. I gained a bit due to not tracking, eating poorly and visiting the cupcake store one too many times. I bought a tracker at weight watchers yesterday and I am going to try this time to look at this next phase of the weight loss as starting over. I am going to pretend that I am a new member starting at 218, my 5 % will be 11 pounds and my 10 % will be 22. That will get me back to 196 lbs. After that I will work on getting to 25 lbs which will be 193. Then work on small goals like getting into the 80's, 186, 183.2, 70's, 178.2 and then 175. Those are all tiny little goals which should help it not feel like this huge undertaking. Lets take things one step at a time. I am getting a head of myself. This week I am going to track everything and bump up my fitness. Maybe I can loose some of the weight I put on over my trip. Off to the personal trainer today.

No show

Went to the Gym last night, even though I kind of wished I didn't have a training session. The reason being that the gang from work went to the bar and I wanted to join them. But I went to the gym anyways and it turns out that my trainer went home sick and forgot to txt his clients that he wasn't going to be there. I had warmed up and everything and was just sitting there for 10 minutes before the fitness manager told me he wasn't in. So I worked out anyways. I worked my upper body and back. I didn't push myself as hard, but I didn't want to run the risk of injury. No worries peeps I got a free session for my troubles and he says he's going to be there tonight.

Lossing

I went down two pounds. Yay
My leader told me that next week is the last time she will be leading out group. I am saddened by this news and a little panic striken by the fact that I am losing one of my anchors of support. Boo

First Week Back

I justed wanted to post about my first week being "re-commited". I tracked everyday, I stayed within my points and ate a good portion of my weekly points. I had a session with the trainer on Thursday, walked this weekend and worked out yesterday with Christine. I think I might loose 2-3 lbs this week. *crossing fingers* it is hard to tell as last week I didn't get a chance to weigh myself in the morning. I can only guess. I have two sessions with the personal trainer this week (Wednesday and Thursday). I will post how I do tomorrow. Wish me luck.

Session with Adam

I did a circuit training session with Adam yesterday. 30 squwats with the 40 lb kettle bell, 1 minutes of swings with the 40 lb kettle bell, push him accross the gym with the fitness ball, crunches, alternating arm/leg lifts and slams with the medicine ball for 1 minutes. Lather, rinse, repeat. I always seem to get really winded, I am always worried that I will pass out but he makes sure that I have recovered before I move on to the next excersize. Next session with him is on Wednesday, I think I will get in a nice long walk on Saturday and then my workout with Christine of Monday night. I have stuck to tracking and eating according to plan for the last 3.5 days. It feels good to be back in a routine. I hope that my body has recovered to want to lose the weight now.

Re-commit

Hey guys,
Sorry that it has been a while. For the last few weeks I have been eating at maitenence and above to allow my body to recover from thinking it was in starvation mode. I had been dieting for so long that my body didn't want to loose anymore. As expected I gained steadily over the weeks as my body recovered, soaking up calories like a sponge. I put on more then I would have liked... a whopping 23 pounds. However in this time I have also been going to the gym, seeing my personal trainer twice a week and I suspect that 3-5 pounds of that could be muscle. I am progressively been lifting heavier weights and getting stronger. However due to the weight gain my self confidence is a bit low, my clothes are feeling tight and I am a bit depressed that I have dipped below my 100 lbs weight loss objective. Last week wasn't the best week. I had parties and many nights out so I ended this maitenence period with a bang, a 4.6 pound gain. I ate stupidly, it was just nice to eat some of the things I had been depriving myself with.... however I shoudln't have gone that crazy all at once. ANYWAYS the past is the past, no point crying over consumed calories. This week I am re-commiting to my "diet" style of eating. I am hoping that my body has now rebooted and I will be able to lose the 35 lbs I need to get to my goal. It would be nice to loose the weight by the summer. I think I need to start making some new goals.
Wish me luck,
Michelle

MEGA POST! Email from Fat 2 Fit Radio's Jeff Ainslie

Before I get into the main topic of today's post I will mention that I had three sessions with the trainer this week and now my body is killing me. I am really enjoying the sessions and he is pushing me just past my comfort zone. He says my dead lift technique is perfect already.

So I sent an email to F2F radio at the beginning of the week, here is the correspondence as follows.

Me:
Hey guys,
I first want to thank you for all your helpful information. I decided to take your advice and start eating at and a little above my maintenance level. It has been a real treat to have a little more to eat each day. However I have noticed that my body is absorbing those calories like a sponge. I have already gained 9 pounds and it has been around 3 weeks. My pants are starting to get tight and I saw the 200's again on the scale this morning. I know you said this would happen, but I am starting to panic/freak out a bit. Perhaps an email from you guys telling me to have faith in the eating more to break a plateau would help. How long should one eat at this level to break a plateau. You mention anywhere from a few weeks to two months. I don't want to stop too soon but I don't know how much more weight I should gain. I response via email would be appreciated at your earliest convenience. Thanks guys. Michelle from episode # 139

Jeff:
Hi Michelle,

I'm going to give you some suggestions and then give you a ton of information to read that I'm going to cut and paste from previous shows. If you manage to get through most of our shows, we answer a weight loss plateau question about every 12 shows and we have some shows where those people write back to us a year or so later to tell us that the strategy worked.

Yes it is true that your body will be absorbing calories live a sponge. It was starving and it is getting as much as it can right now. There is also the possibility that the glycogen stores in your muscles were depleted. When you start eating, those glycogen stores move back into your muscles, and it takes up water to do that. Yes your leg may be a little bigger, but it was from hydration, not gaining fat.

If you gain 3 lbs per week, you will need to eat an extra 1500 calories per day! I doubt that you are doing that. If anything, this is showing that you need to break out of this weight loss plateau even more. You lost most of your weight very quickly - you are very far ahead. Who cares if the last 10-20 lbs comes off slowly after revving up your meatbolism. The benefits will last every single day in your future. The email that I answered right before yours was from a guy who weighs over 350 lbs and is stuck there and he only eats 1500 calories. I told him that I weigh about half his weight, but I eat 2600 calories per day to maintain. On the road he was going, he was going to be eating less and less and fighting his body the entire way. When he hit my weight, maybe he could only eat 1100 calories to maintain his weight. That is a recipe for weight gain. It shouldn't be so hard to maintain if you get there slowly.

So here is a bunch more info that might help you out:

"" Breaking weight loss plateaus

One of the most common questions/problems/concerns from our listeners is what to do when their weight loss seems to stall. It can be an extremely frustrating time for dieters. Many have gone months eating at their goal calorie levels and regularly exercising and have consistently lost weight week after week. Then the weight loss stops for weeks or months with no obvious reason.

This is one situation where if you follow your instincts, you will do exactly the wrong thing and make your weight loss plateau worse.

Most people think that they just are not trying hard enough. They will eat even less and increase their exercise to try to kick start their weight loss. By doing this, they only end up making things harder on themselves and suffer needlessly. You cannot use willpower or determination to get out of a plateau, you don't need to work harder, only smarter.

To break out of a plateau, you must eat more. To truly break free, you need to eat at your maintenance level or even a couple hundred calories more per day for a few weeks.

This type of weight loss plateau is caused by one of two reasons. The most common cause is known as underfeeding. This happens when you are not eating enough calories on a daily basis. The second common cause is from long-term dieting. In both cases, the body has gone into a starvation response and is simply slowing down its metabolism to keep from losing all of its fat and dying! Your body has no idea that this reduction in food isn't going to be permanent.

Dieting is stressful on your body. If you eat too few calories, your body panics to keep itself at the status quo. If you eat below your Basal Metabolic Rate, that is a guarantee that your body will quickly go into "starvation mode". An average man's BMR is around 1900 calories, an average woman's is around 1500. Even if you are only eating at a moderate reduction in calories, after several months, your body will realize that it has been losing fat and can move into a starvation response.

The simple way to get out of a plateau is to remove the stress from dieting long enough to convince your body that it is not at risk of starvation. Then when you reduce your calories again, it will begin to release fat again.

Many people are concerned that if they eat at their maintenance calories for a few weeks, they may end up gaining weight. This may happen, but it may be necessary to fix your stalled metabolism. In a month or two, you will be much farther ahead.

Here are some tips that will help you avoid plateaus:

Only do a moderate restriction in calories of no more than 500 per day.
Make sure that a portion of your fat loss is a result from doing exercise and activities, not only caloric restriction.
Take some time off from dieting every once in a while. A cheat meal once a week or even a cheat weekend once a month will help you in the long run.
Don't do the exact same workouts day after day. Make sure that you are continually changing you activities so that your body does not become adapted to any routine.
Make sure that you are eating often through out the day. Try to eat a meal or healthy snack every 3-4 hours and never skip meals."

Also, here is a question and answer from our book:

Could my weight loss plateau become permanent?

Could my weight loss plateau become permanent? If I didn't make any changes to my calorie intake or my workout routine, wouldn't my plateau work itself out over time and eventually my weight loss start up again?

A plateau is really just your body responding to its survival instinct in a physical way. If it thinks that you are in a famine and starving, it will do whatever it takes to slow down your metabolism.

Once you take away your body's perceived stress about starvation, it will loosen up and you will start losing fat again. We have been giving this advice for the past 3 years, and have received many emails from people who report that increasing their calories has broken them out of plateaus that were months or years long. A common message from these people, is why did I make myself suffer for so long?

Could your plateau become permanent? The short answer is yes, or at least you can permanently slow your metabolism down. When your body thinks that it is slowly starving and is trying to slow it's own metabolism, the best way that it knows to do this is by reducing your muscle mass. For every pound of muscle that your body digests, you metabolism will be slower until you spend months or years in a gym to gain that muscle back. In fact, the only reason that men burn more calories per day and have an easier time losing weight than women, is because they have more muscle mass.

To answer the question about whether with a lot of patience, your body will break out of a plateau if you keep struggling and eating those low calories, the answer is no.

There is almost no chance of that happening. The reason is that your body has found its homeostasis level where it can maintain its weight on low calories. Your body isn't all of a sudden going to forget its own survival instinct and start losing fat if it thinks it is in a famine.

If you have been eating 1500 calories per day and haven't lost any weight in 6 months, why would you expect things to change in the future? If your maintenance level is 2400 calories, eat at least 2400 calories a day for a couple of weeks. Then lower your calories again later.

Losing body fat isn't all about willpower, sometimes you just need to work smarter."

What I would do is take a week off from exercise, and eat 1800 calories and be fairly sedentary and see what happens. To hit your ultimate goal of 133 and stay there with a fired up metabolism and with the exercise that you are doing, you should be able to eat in the 22-2400 range to maintain that weight of 133. If you don't get yourself out of a plateau, you will hit 133 through some drastic efforts and possibly end up only eating 1200 calories to maintain.

One of the other emails that I answered tonight I was talking about a guy who is about 350 lbs and his weight is stuck and he has been eating 1500 calories per day. He is going to be absolutely screwed in the long run if he continues to lower his calories and up his exercise. Yes, he will slowly lose weight, because after all, everyone will eventually starve to death, even thought their bodies are fighting against starvation.

Here is the transcript to part of a show:

Why can't I lose weight?

95% who are struggling are caused by errors that can be fixed! 100% of people can lose weight, no matter what. There is not a single person on the planet who will not lose any weight if they were stranded on a desert island with very little to eat. It's true that people might not lose the same amount of weight, but everyone will lose weight. A 400 lb person who has been stranded for 2 years will not still weigh 400 lbs no matter how many diets they have tried in the past and failed at. We all know that this is true on many levels.

- people believe that it is impossible to lose weight

- many actually do try and honestly believe that they can't

Top 8 Reasons

1. Education
People learn about nutrition in elementary school, but not how to eat

learn from pop culture such as talk shows (The View - black chick gastric bypass, Oprah - liquid 1000 cal diet) or weight loss shows (The biggest loser - people are convinced by t0he product placements)

learn from infomercials which convince people that it all has to do with a certain exercise machine

This shouldn't be a problem for our listeners because we are not just a motivational show, but an educational one.

Degree in P.E., but learned how to calculate calories years after by reading a diet book.

2. Food Reasons
too many calories (99% of people underestimate cals) - We mentioned a survey of Subway patrons in the past and the meal that they estimated at 400 calories was actually over 1000 calories. Also the book Eat This Not That is full of gotchas.

Some people refuse to count calories, whether you do or don't you have to have a calorie deficit.

lose weight with portion control, but you have to measure your results carefully to see if it is working. How do you even measure eating a little less?

Track your portions, many people feel that they are eating less, but are they making up those calories elsewhere? Eating less, but more cals?

food journals are extremely important
hidden calories such as sugar in beverages, condamints with sugar such as ketchup, supplements such as fish oil have calories

eating simple carbs which don't fill you up, give you cravings
croissant vs oatmeal
eating at night (from email 12-14 lb is 79 cals)

snacking

sampling food while cooking
candy dish at work

3. Exercise reasons
biggest exercise failure isn't NOT exercising, its blowing all of the benefit by eating after. Most overestimate the amt of cals burned and then over-reward eating after. Swimming, - Sports drinks...
too little exercise, you need to sweat and put in the time

exercise should be progressive

weak muscles that keep a person from being able to exercise for long or do a high intensity

You need to do an activity that actually burns lots of calories.

Cycling probably 5/min, ellipticals 12-15/min, walking on an incline

4. Damage from previous diets
your body can adapt to very quickly go into starvation mode

as soon as you lower your calories, your metabolism slows

less muscle slower metabolism

all or nothing diets

5. Hit a Plateau
from eating too few calories or lengthy dieting or dieting for a long time at once

Your body has figured out that it is starving and losing weight, not necessarily quickly losing weight

Eat more calories

Nothing wrong with taking a week or 2 off and eat at maintenance

6. Emotional Reasons
emotional eater

coping habits

boredom

stress, not enough sleep

Eat to fill the hollow feeling

Eat because it is sooo good - is it really that good?

7. Motivational reasons
If you really don't want to change the way you look and feel, it will never happen. Others can't make you want to change.

you will never out-perform your self image or

You can't outperform your own expectations and beliefs.

How many times per day do you say to yourself that you are fat vs how many times per day do you say to yourself that you are a thin and healthy person? This will make a huge difference. Don't get me wrong, you cannot think yourself thin or anything like that, but it is easier and more automatic to do things that are inline with your beliefs. So for example, most people would feel bad if they beat up and stole money from a 3 year old because we all have a belief that this isn't the right thing to do. We get that bad feeling in our stomach after doing something bad from our subconscious mind based on our underlying beliefs.

In the same fashion, if you are constantly repeating to yourself day in and day out that you are a thin and healthy person, you will start to believe it and it gets easier and easier to actually do the things that thinner and healthy people do. Attitude does effect beliefs which can affect the actions that you do. I used to have no problem stopping off at a convenience store and buying a king sized chocolate bar or large sub sandwich every single day on the way home from work. If I do that now, I feel bad about it, because "people like me don't do that". I believe that I'm a thinner and healthy person, and I will actually say that to myself when I get tempted. I will feel just as bad by stealing from a child as I would walking up to the till with 15 chocolate bars right now because I believe that I'm not that kind of person.
self sabotage - similar, what if you think you are losing weight too quickly or get uncomfortable with your new size and people noticing?

8. Medical Reasons:
PCOS - 5% of women - you need to be treated under a doctor's supervision
hormone problems
Hypothyroidism

medications
Steroids such as prednisone
Antidepressants that include Lexapro, Zoloft, Tofranil, Paxil, and Elavil (Laurie took Elavil in college to help with migraines. She gained a BUNCH of weight. More cushion...)
Antipsychotics that include such drugs as Zyprexa
Diabetes drugs such as Diabeta and Diabinese
Hypertension medications such as Cardura and Inderol
Beta Blockers such as Zebeta
Even heartburn treatments such as Prevacid have been suggested to promote weight gain.

~ Jeff

Keep Calm and Carry on

I’m trying not to panic. This is the end of week two on maintenance/and more regime suggested to me by the guys at "Fat 2 Fit Radio". I just got back from my annual trip to the states to do some shopping. I know that it can be a high caloric weekend so I shouldn’t be surprised at the scales to see a few pounds gain. However the number I saw on the scale this morning was a little stressful. It was in the two hundreds again. My weigh in pants are tight and I don’t feel very sexy regardless of the hot new clothes I’m wearing. However if even an additional 5 more pounds will allow my body to relax, then in the long run it is worth it. I just am having trouble looking at the bigger picture. I sent an email to the guys at “Fat 2 Fit Radio” because I sure could us some encouragement and confirmation that I’m doing the right thing…. Anyways, I have an appointment with my trainer every night for the next three days. I will be pumping iron like a pro. Perhaps that will make me feel better.

Trust in the plan: Week 1

Owwww ow ow ow
I had my first session with my personal trainer last night. It was really great. We are working on technique at the moment, making sure I am engaging the right muscles. Now I am deliciously sore, I imagine that in about 12-24 hours I will be really sore. It means I did something right. He was very motivational and surprised that I could already lift the weight that I could.

So I gained around 3.6 lbs at the scale this week. At least that was a gain I earned. I hated those weeks were I would eat well and then gain 2 lbs at the scale and not know why. I am enjoying eating the occasional item without guilt, however I am noticing that my clothes are not fitting like they have been. It is amazing how much a difference 5 pounds feels. Very odd. I cannot wait to start losing again. This week I have a few events out so I am trying to eat well on the regular days and enjoying a lighter option on my days out. My goal is to maintain over the next few weeks not gain too much.

Anyways wish me a happy recovery. I am off to Buffalo tomorrow, the cheesecake factory awaits. LOL

Trust & Trainer

So for the last week I have been eating more then I have been the past few months as per the suggestion from the guys at "Fat 2 Fit Radio". I have had the opportunity to enjoy the occasional beer and treat. It is kinda nice not to have to count every last detail. I am feeling full on occasion which is something that I am not used to and I am noticing that my weight has gone up by a few pounds. As enjoyable as it is to be to laissez faire with my food options this week, I have also been fighting the panic that I am having as a result of the inevitable weight gain. I know that it will happen and I need to trust in the system. I have to let my body relax so that eventually when I get back into the groove again things will start going down. I am just not sure how long I should let this "off program" time happen for. Maybe because I am just not liking the way my body is feeling at the moment.

Secondly I hired a personal trainer. Funny that I would do that while I'm in my "eating" stage but I felt like I wasn't utilizing the gym fully and I figured that If I am going to get my body into heroine shape that I need help gaining muscle and losing fat. I have sessions twice a week so I am hoping that it will be enough to be effective. The trainers name is Adam and he seemed confident that we will be able to see some progress over the next few months. He doesn't like the fact that I am a part of weight watchers. I think it is because the weigh in weight is such a important factor and I am going to be fluctuating so much with the muscle gain and fat loss. I told him that I liked the program and that it helps me so it is staying. I am currently working on getting it to be free and once that is accomplished then I will not have to worry about the scale that much. I hope that it will be worth the money that I am going to be paying for it.

Tactical Retreat?: MEGA POST

PART 1
If you have been reading my blog for a while you might remember that I reviewed a podcast called "Fat 2 Fit Radio". They are the ones that clued me in to the fact that I might have lost a good portion of muscles on my weight loss journey. I sent them an email before the holidays about my current weight loss struggle hoping that they might give me some tips about how to get rid of those last few pounds. I had not heard anything from them so I kind of forgot about it. That is until I visited their website yesterday after my blog post to discover that I was featured in this weeks episode of "Fat 2 Fit Radio".

The epidode "#139 - Breaking Those Nasty Weight Loss Plateaus" features my email about 10 minutes in. "Michelle tells us that she’s tired of being “rubenesque” but has hit a weight loss plateau after losing 115 lbs. Unfortunately she’s trying to break the plateau by reducing her calories. Exactly the wrong way to do it."

They suggest to eat a lot more food, at my maintenance level or more for a few weeks to get my body out of starvation mood. They say that I might gain some weight in the process but that if I were to gradually start to reduce my calories after that I will start to loose again. The idea of gaining scares me, but if they think that it will help I would be willing to try. I kind of wish they had asked my permission to use my letter in their podcast. I have no qualms telling my story to the world and I appreciate the advice. I just wished I had gotten a heads up, I was a little blindsided by my appearance in their show. Listen to the podcast and tell me what you think.

~*~*~*~*
PART 2
So I might have mentioned last week that I told my leader to talk to her manager about my struggles. I was hoping for some feedback in regards to help me to start losing again. I sent her an email reminder and sent her the link to the podcast.
This was our email correspondence.

Me:
Any news from head office about how to break my year long plateau? Should I eat more or a lot less? LOL I was featured on a weight loss podcast (insert link). So they are saying that I should try maintaining my weight for a few weeks and the slowly lowering my calories after a while. This is scary because I fear I might gain weight back... It might be nessesary though to trick my body. Gah.

L:
Sorry!!! Been so busy I haven't been able to reply. My manager was actually questioning your goal weight and wondering if maybe you should set.it where you are now?

Me:
So their answer to my question is to give up and settle? That is depressing. I haven't even reached Weight Watchers healthy weight range yet. :( They have no plateau busting suggestions?

L:
Not give up and settle...my manager recommended it to take off the stress. The analogy she used was like trying to get pregnant. Once you stop thinking about it, it usually happens. I told her all of the suggestions I gave you and she agreed with all of them.

Are they just trying to get me to a forced goal so that I won't complain anymore. This suggestion kind of confused and frustrated me. It seemed like the easy way out. I do know that I'm going to get a doctors note so that I don't have to pay anymore. I could be using this money towards a karate class or boot camp classes. It just seems that everybody I have been talking to has a different answer for me.

Classes and Video

Friday was Body Combat
I missed doing this class, it must have been a month since I last had the opportunity to make the class. I had a lot of fun and my body sure felt the work out.
Sunday morning was Sh'bam
This is a new class that Goodlife offers. It is a combo of Zumba and a burlesque dance class. It was a lot of fun, the class was packed but I got to do it with a couple of friends (Dr Kitty and The Pink Penguin).

Sunday evening was Jillian Michaels: 6 Week Six-Pack
Christine and I tried this work out which she picked up. We thought that it was going to be all crunches but it was a variety of workouts that dealt with the abs. They made us to the same work out twice. We did the Level 2 work out and it was a little tricky. Nothing like "Shed and Shred" but I am not sure how much it really worked my abs. I guess I will find out tomorrow.

Another day, another cupcake to avoid.

Short post as I have meetings all day. Went out to a fancy restaurant last night, portions were tiny and I don't think it was too crazy point wise. I had a lot of fun and didn't stress about points. I just enjoyed my meal. I got my red dress tailored and it felt and think I looked good in it. Today I am getting my ass to the gym even though I REALLY don't feel like going, but I know I will appreciate the effort afterwards. My motivation has gone from 8 to 2 after Tuesday, but my going is more out of habit then desire at the moment. I will be going to Body Combat tomorrow as well. I have also changed my daily points back to 33.

Think happy thoughts

Weight Watchers Stats
Starting Weight: 303.2 lbs
Weigh in Weight: 191.6 lbs
Weight Variance: +2.6 lbs
Total Weight Loss: 111.6 lbs

I am trying to think happy thoughts.... like baby sloths.

When I saw a 2.6 lbs gain I almost cried on the scale. That is a lot of "monthly" water retention weight. I am back in the 90! WAH! I may be overly emotional the last few days... but this is ridiculous.

I really tried this week.

As you guys have read you know how hard I have been working activity wise, waking up early, going to the gym. I ate lots of veggies this week, I did eat 30 of my monthly points and however earned 60 activity points. THEN when I found out that I am the exact same weight that I was this time last year I almost wanted to leave. I told with my leader that I am very frustrated. I do know what I should do. Why are things not moving? I am so close. *sigh*

I have been tracking all my points for weeks now and sending them to her so she is seeing what I have been eating. She told me that she was going to send my info to head office. We will see what that yields. If this keeps up I am going to get a doctors note so I do not have to pay because a year at the same weight means that I have spent $720 for no additional return.

Haywire

I've been so busy that I have only finally gotten around to posting something about the amazing movie I saw last week. I went to see "Haywire" on Friday with my friend Natasha and in the process I discovered my new idol Gina Carano . Gina in reality is a MMA fighter and former gladiator. They sort of built this movie around her skills. She kicked some serious butt in the movie and the butt she did kick was serious eye candy (Ewan McGreggor, Channing Tatum, Micheal Fassbender). This is one of those action films that both men and women are going to enjoy. The character Mallory was able to blend both strength, femininity and skill better then any other action heroine I've seen in a while. They didn't sexualize the character like the did with Babydoll in Sucker Punch, she was a more realistic and more clothed version of Leelu Dallas.

Today is WID at WW and I am a little ticked off when I went on the scale this morning. The scale told me that I am up, however the body fat % is down and the muscle is up. I went to the gym every weekday morning for the past week. My sleep deprived body wanted to see more progress on the scale. On top of that I know that part of the reason I am not moving this week is due to my monthly "gift" thus I am retaining water. Logic tells me to be patient and that I am doing great. My hormones are wanting to curse like a sailor. LOL.

Just start moving

So I know not everyone is as insane like me to be going to the gym at the crack of dawn almost every day. I wasn't always like that, this former couch potato started off slowly. If you are someone who hasn't incorporated any fitness into their week I have a few suggestions for you from personal experience.

First Step: Start walking. If you can find a way to get 30 minutes of walking a day it will add up over the week. If you can get in 10,000 steps in a day you are doing great. Walk to the bus, get off the subway a stop earlier, or get a walk in after dinner.

Second Step: Get some workout DVD's. This is great way to get in some exercise in during the winter months. I loved the Biggest Loser DVD's because I could adapt the moves so that I could do them. Jumping jacks as a 300 lbs woman was not going to happen, but they offered different ways to move to keep my heart rate up. Now I can do the more difficult DVD and routines I never thought I would be able to do. The important thing is to move around a work up a sweat for at least 30 minutes.

Third Step: Do a fitness related activity. I do not care what it is, be it volleyball, hockey, yoga, poll dancing, figure skating. Heck get on the Wii and do Wii fitness, it is great. Take a dance class, go to a dance club or join a dojo. These activities combine both fun and fitness together.

Start off slowly and build on the amount of fitness you do. You will discover as I have after you complete a workout you feel better. The endorphins that you get from working out really change your mood for the better. Soon it will feel weird NOT to be getting in your activity.

Workout Review: Jillian Michaels Shed & Shred

So gym yesterday morning and then Christine, Alex and myself did Jillian Michaels "Shed and Shred" DVD. We decided to be nuts and choose the option that combines both workouts. It was pretty insane, you need to be kinda fit to do this video because some of the moves are hard. It was for this reason that we all kinda liked it. I am in pain as I was resistance training this morning at the gym and I suspect that DVD is the reason. Out favorite thing to do while working out is to play "That's what she/he said." while doing the video and I must say you get some pretty good zingers with this DVD. Overall I would do this DVD again.

Fruit and Veggies

Weight Watchers Stats
Starting Weight: 303.2 lbs
Weigh in Weight: 189.0 lbs
Weight Variance: 0.0 lbs
Total Weight Loss: 114.2 lbs

I stayed the same. That is a comfort and a good base line. So if I only get 44 activity points in a week and eat 34 weekly points out of my 49 and eat a diet without a healthy balance of veggies I will stay the same. So this week I am going to up the veggies, eat less weekly's and do a bit more activity.
I covered the more exercise aspect by going to the gym this morning and I plan on going again for the next two mornings.
I bought this book called "Fruit and Veggies A to Z" from Weight Watchers $14.00. I thought I would a good way to get excited about trying new recipes and breaking out of my habit of Green Beans, Cauliflower and Broccoli. So on the way home I stopped off at the Sobey's express and got Asparagus, Avocado and Mushrooms (can you tell I started at the beginning of the book). I figure it would be good to at least try to eat every veggie, even the dreaded pepper and Belgian endive.

Weekly Effort

My week this week is looking between a OK and poor week. I understand why I might not loose at the scale. I had a little too much carbs and I didn't get to the gym as much as I would have liked. I have been hungrier then normal, however I think if I had eaten more veggies this week I would have remedied that. I had every intention of starting out my week right but it just turned out this way. I am going to attempt for a good to great effort this week.

I seem to go through different phases with how much effort I put into my weight loss. I seem to loose when I fall under the first two categories.

A GREAT week looks something like this:
Barely touch my weekly points (less then 10 of the 49)
Go to the gym 3 or more times
Get a very balanced diet with plenty of veggies

A GOOD week looks something like this:
Dip in to my weekly points a bit (10-20 of the 49)
Go to the gym 3 times
Get a fairly balanced diet

A OK week looks something like this:
Use a good amount of weekly points (20-30 of the 49)
Go to the gym 2 times
Get a less than balanced diet

A POOR week looks something like this
Use most of the weekly points (30-49 of the 49)
Go to the gym 1 time
Get a more carb based diet

A BAD week looks something like this:
Go over my points
Do not go to the gym
Eat fast food and drink a lot.

Heroine of the Week: Eowyn

My sister and her friend had a Lord of the Rings marathon (extended edition of course) on Saturday, I had a few things I needed to do so I would sit down with them and watch a half an hour or so before moving on to the next task. I happened on the scene where Eowyn is fighting in the Pelennor fields having just fallen off of her horse. She has some skills with a blade, and being a maiden of Rohan has excellent riding abilities. So when this nazgul lands in front of her she cuts off its head, then she fights the witch king and gets that epic line "I am no man!" and stabs him in the face. I have to give this lady kudos, she is very brave and doesn't let a little thing like her gender dictate her ability to be of value to her people.

Paranoid (zombie training pt2)

So I couldn't find "Zombies, Run!" in the App store. I don't think it is out yet. Boo urns! So I downloaded another one. It was the free version of Paranoid, called ParanoidDES

http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/paranoid-dead-escape-standalone/id459892779?mt=8

I decided to launch it on my way home because I wanted to see what it was like before I forked over $4.99. This is the light version so it doesn't have all the bells and whistles, with this I don't get to shoot zombies. I thought that if I were to set my settings on slow zombies that I would easier out run them..... apparently not... well I am not sure because I have to run 5k as a minimum and it's not that far to my house from the bus stop.

So I get off the bus and start up the app. I am walking down the abandoned hiking train near my house, its a bit spooky so perfect for a zombie chase. The soundtrack begins, the app starts yelling at me to run, I have zombies on my tail. The score slowly gets more dramatic, I go from a fast walk, to a slow jog to a faster jog. The trail hasn't really been maintained and there is snow making it difficult to run. I am not really dressed for running, I have this messenger bag over my shoulder, a big winter coat and I'm full of coffee... but there are zombies, so I run faster. It get to a point where I am sprinting and my throat begins to start tasting like blood, I'm getting winded and it's like high school track all over again. I can jog at a solid 4.3 on the treadmill but it feels like I am going 7.5. I eventually have to pause it because it doesn't seem to matter, the zombies are catching up and I am kinda tired. I guess it would be a boring un-motivational app if you could get away. I will try it again when I am properly dressed. The sucky thing is that this works off of GPS so it is not like I can take this on the treadmill and use it at the gym.... it means I have to go outside.... in the cold.

If there are any other fun fitness apps out there please let me know. Something that might be able to train me in the ways of the heroine.

Zombies, Run!

The iPhone app will keep you running, literally!

I just found an article about a iPhone app which combines a game with fitness. You start the app and then start running. Every mile you pick up things you need for your mission and when you get back you can use the items towards building your base camp.

This will be a great app for any budding heroine for sure. I have yet to download it because the wifi at work will not let me connect to the web, so it will have to wait until I leave, but I will let you know what I think later.

Check out this link for more details.

http://www.geek.com/articles/mobile/zombies-run-iphone-app-will-keep-you-running-literally-20110914/

Girls guide to surviving the apocalypse

Weight Watchers Stats
Starting Weight: 303.2 lbs
Weigh in Weight: 189.0 lbs
Weight Variance: -0.6 lbs
Total Weight Loss: 114.2 lbs

Going back in the right direction. I am going to do the same thing that I did last week and hope that I get the same result.

Found this website from someone off of Facebook. It is awesome. Makes me want to kick ass and take names. I am making my way through the various blog entries. A must read for any girl wanting to survive the apocalypse.

http://apocalypsegirlsguide.blogspot.com/

Private vs. Public

Accept everything about yourself--I mean everything, You are you and that is the beginning and the end--no apologies, no regrets.--Clark Moustakas

Private vs. Public

This is a topic I have been thinking about for the past day or so. Is it better to confide in the world or hold on to what you hold dear.

I live my life out in the open, I don’t hide who I am, I don’t think I would be able to. I like to share. This blog for instance, I share what is going on in my day to day life. I tell people that I attend weight watchers, that I read fan fiction, I am a Sci-fi nerd, a pagan, a fan girl, and a fitness junkie. I spin fire, crack whips, sing and I could spend hours watching my favorite tv shows.

Opening yourself up to others can bring with it the joys of finding people who share your interests and goals. Other times you discover how different your views are. Lately I feel like the odd duck out because my interests differ from most, like I live on my own island of misfit toys. I wouldn’t change who I am but it is making me consider how much I should share.

This by no way reflects on the frequency of my posts, I am just finding that posting every weekday is becoming a bit taxing, so I am going to post when I have the time available and I have something I really want to discuss.

On a different note I have weight watchers tonight. I hope it goes well as I have worked hard this week.

I have a headache

I decided this week to cut out my coffee and my coke zero. I realized that I spend more than 10 points a week on coffee, that is if I am calculating that right, if not it could be even more. Also the aspartame in the coke really isn't good for me. But now I'm going through caffeine withdrawal and I have a headache. Water, water, water.
I went to the gym yesterday and was happy to see that Buffy was playing on the TV's. Nothing like the Buffy theme song to run along with.

I'm so angry I cried

Weight Watchers Stats
Starting Weight: 303.2 lbs
Weigh in Weight: 189.6 lbs
Weight Variance: +0.2 lbs
Total Weight Loss: 113.6 lbs

*Shrug* I have no words really. I am frustrated. I don't feel like talking about it.

Sisyphus

Ever feel like Sisyphus rolling that rock up that hill? It feels like that some weeks, this endless and unavailing labour. I weighed myself this morning and it doesn't look like my efforts have yielded much results this week. I am getting to a point where I am tempted to eat the same thing every day just so I can see some results. Eggs, coffee and a banana for breakfast, a frozen meal, granola bar with fruit for lunch, and chicken and veggies for dinner. I am frustrated because I have been going to the gym 3-4 times a week. My muscles are currently aching for the weekend and you are telling me world that I still haven't made any progress. Balls!

Outside reactions regarding weight loss

I have noticed that over my transformation process that I have reacted differently to the way I was being treated and I have noticed being treated differently by others.

First I noticed that it took a while for people to notice my weight loss. It was true, people didn't really notice until I had dropped 65 lbs. LOL. Then I started getting a lot of attention, at first I liked it because I had worked hard to accomplish the loss.

Then I noticed that I started getting embarrassed by what people would say. They would be so amazed and talk it up like I had cured cancer or something. To me I was just the same person I've always been. However they are just seeing my inner beauty as my aesthetic now.

Then.... I started getting miffed sometimes by what people would say. It was like "Oh you must feel so great now", "What a wonderful change for you" or "You look so beautiful". The fat girl in me was questioning what they must of thought of me before. I noticed that this pressure began to develop about what would happen if I were to ever gain any of the weight back. Will I not be as valued?

Then I realized also that aside from the comments I would get, that people treat fat people differently. It is an unfair but true reality. I had gotten so used to how fat Michelle was treated by co-workers, friends and people in general, that now that I am getting a different type of attention I am not used to it.

Then there are the people who are like... "What?!?!?! you want to loose more?" "You are looking too thin, you should stop". Technically I am still considered overweight. I haven't reached a BMI of under 25 yet. It is not like I want to become Kate Moss or anything, I just want to get into the upper range of what is an acceptable range for my body type.

Those are just a few instances I have noticed. I am sure that you have experiences a least some of them. Anyways I need to get back to work. Wish me luck for my weigh in tomorrow.

This Stinks!

So I went to the gym yesterday and I got ticked off. I go to the meathead gym which offers me the luxury of a wide selection of empty cardio equipment. So the hordes of ladies who showed up this week was annoying. High traffic aside many of the people who came do not know gym etiquette. They didn't wipe down the machines, they sat around on the weight machines not doing much or spending far too much time adjusting the weights to do like..... 5 reps before moving on. Oh and most importantly, DEODORANT MUST BE WORN AT ALL TIMES. It was nasty smelling in there. I wish they all smelled like Isaiah Mustafa (aka Old Spice Guy) Hopefully Friday will be better.

Get your A$$ in gear woman! Make it so!

Weight Watchers Stats
Starting Weight: 303.2 lbs
Weigh in Weight: 189.4 lbs
Weight Variance: +1.0 lbs
Total Weight Loss: 113.8 lbs

So when thinking of a theme for todays post all of a sudden a scene from "Star Trek: First Contact" popped into my head (TNG rules). It's when Captian Picard is all ranty and emo and screams "The line must be drawn here!" It's hilarious but so true. So..... things may a slipped a bit over the holidays and it is taking me a little longer to get back into the groove. I do not want to get back into the 90's again.
Last week this girl Liz from Weight Watchers and I decided that we were going to set a goal for ourselves with a deadline of Valentines day (which falls on a weight watchers night). My goal is to get into the 70's and hers was to get her 50 lbs bling. Both are ambitious but I really need a bit of competition to kick myself in the butt.

Resolution Season

So did you catch them? You know the advertisements for weight loss or to quit smoking during the New Year's Eve countdown shows? I sure did. I was a resolution-er two years ago when I started Weight Watchers. It is a very busy season for them, as I am sure I will notice at the meeting tonight. I wish everyone the best on achieving their goals.

Now I thought that I was free of the holiday snacks now that the new year has begun, but apparently a wife of a co-worker brought in a whole platter of goodies for me to look at today. Not fair.

I have noticed that I have been eating too much Oatmeal. Now it is a good food, tasty and low in points, however during the holiday I sort of eat it almost once or twice a day because it was fast to make and it was better the a lot of the other options available to me. So to prevent myself from turning into Oatmeal, perhaps I will attempt to use a few of the cook books I received this year to try some new meals.